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Saturday, February 06, 2016 | 4:10 AM | 0 comments
Had 2 days of peace earlier this week after almost suffering from severe anxiety attacks and a heart attack (not literally) , seriously though i'm too lowly paid to be so obsessed with work. Anyway, i know the whole thing about being nice to someone you don't really like is being the bigger person bullshit but honestly sometimes i really really cannot help it.
Very often i think that when you don't expect something from someone you don't get angry or frustrated when they don't give it to you. Even if it's wrong, even if they're supposed to put in the effort. But if you think this is my job, if someone decides to help me, it's a bonus, if not, i'm all on my own and it's only expected, really. This is how i avoid disappointment.
I realised that i don't hide emotions very well, even though i try to hide it when i'm upset or frustrated, people pick up vibes i suppose. weird, actually, cos it's not like i'm very smiley usually but Whatever. So anyway A asked if i was really stressed, back story is that A is actually sorta a "boss" even though it's not she's like my sup or manager but really, do you admit to your boss that you're stressed? Is that not a sign of inefficiency or lack of capability? I simply told her that it's my job, stressed also got to do, right - shrugs -. She said she hinted to R about helping out and all. It made me feel so warm inside that i was going to cry right then and there at the individual lunch, quickly pushing the blame to the very hot bowl of ramen (ramen wasn't even spicy tho HAHA).
It's not like i'm victimising myself, well i sure hope i'm not! But sometimes you take it on yourself to be strong about something, you tell yourself it's no big deal, that others have make it through even worse and you feel ridiculous for your split second of self-pity but when someone else, someone you genuinely like and respect tells you that she's glad to have you on her team (just cos she don't exactly want to be with the other person because they're too close as friends) , that you've done better than expected, that you've proven yourself. all this she tells you - despite this whole time you think you're a burden to them. 这份情感真的很温馨, i don't ask for much, not for praise nor monetary reward, just a little bit of basic respect and recognition that you know what i'm doing is rather difficult, that's all you have to say and i'l work my ass for you - with no complaints.
Feels good to write these things out here when it's abit to express my thoughts even to my closest with feeling the cheek flushed, the quick squeeze in my heart and the "sour" feeling in the nose.
YAY okay done! swear my menses is coming sia feeling so emo better not cry during CNY HEH :) Older Post | Newer Post
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This is me!
Hello this page only for Me!
Name - Joanne
Know as - Jo
Location - +65
Boyfriends - *Forever alone*
Likes - Bradley Cooper, Ryan gosling,Dim Sum and more!
Hate - Twilight, expensive stuff, Big decisions
Saturday, February 06, 2016 | 4:10 AM | 0 comments
Had 2 days of peace earlier this week after almost suffering from severe anxiety attacks and a heart attack (not literally) , seriously though i'm too lowly paid to be so obsessed with work. Anyway, i know the whole thing about being nice to someone you don't really like is being the bigger person bullshit but honestly sometimes i really really cannot help it.
Very often i think that when you don't expect something from someone you don't get angry or frustrated when they don't give it to you. Even if it's wrong, even if they're supposed to put in the effort. But if you think this is my job, if someone decides to help me, it's a bonus, if not, i'm all on my own and it's only expected, really. This is how i avoid disappointment.
I realised that i don't hide emotions very well, even though i try to hide it when i'm upset or frustrated, people pick up vibes i suppose. weird, actually, cos it's not like i'm very smiley usually but Whatever. So anyway A asked if i was really stressed, back story is that A is actually sorta a "boss" even though it's not she's like my sup or manager but really, do you admit to your boss that you're stressed? Is that not a sign of inefficiency or lack of capability? I simply told her that it's my job, stressed also got to do, right - shrugs -. She said she hinted to R about helping out and all. It made me feel so warm inside that i was going to cry right then and there at the individual lunch, quickly pushing the blame to the very hot bowl of ramen (ramen wasn't even spicy tho HAHA).
It's not like i'm victimising myself, well i sure hope i'm not! But sometimes you take it on yourself to be strong about something, you tell yourself it's no big deal, that others have make it through even worse and you feel ridiculous for your split second of self-pity but when someone else, someone you genuinely like and respect tells you that she's glad to have you on her team (just cos she don't exactly want to be with the other person because they're too close as friends) , that you've done better than expected, that you've proven yourself. all this she tells you - despite this whole time you think you're a burden to them. 这份情感真的很温馨, i don't ask for much, not for praise nor monetary reward, just a little bit of basic respect and recognition that you know what i'm doing is rather difficult, that's all you have to say and i'l work my ass for you - with no complaints.
Feels good to write these things out here when it's abit to express my thoughts even to my closest with feeling the cheek flushed, the quick squeeze in my heart and the "sour" feeling in the nose.
YAY okay done! swear my menses is coming sia feeling so emo better not cry during CNY HEH :) Older Post | Newer Post
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