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Little Ms Perfect
Tuesday, August 07, 2012 | 7:54 AM | 0 comments  Steph's coming back has really brought a lot of things into perspective. She really has been amazing, even though I suspect the parents have suffocated her just a little too much. I saw her charm and people's power when they really want to get things done. I realised how much time has passed, how 3 / 4 years could change SO MUCH. We were all kids. All of us. Now, Geraldine , Kenneth and Steph (and siblings) are in their 20s. I'm in my last year of poly, having the world forced downed on me, pressing me to make decisions, decisions that promises to change my life. The kids. Mayvis, the one who is closest to my age (2 years younger) and whom I used to be close to, is in Australia studying right now. If I got it right, she is about to start her journey as a university student. Jarvis, who I haven't spoke to in forever until yesterday, is (as he likes to remind me) SEC 2. How on earth did all this happen? Maybe I was just in my own world, maybe it's just me who feels emotional about this whole thing and this whole realisation comes to surface over the weekend, more so at the Bedok Reservoir Flat yesterday night and ALL of it, when steph, waving, hung onto methboat walked through the departure gates. As we all walked away, silently, partially tired, partially wondering, I see how I've changed in that 3 /4 years and how we all changed since then. And in all honesty, it is impossibly scary. I'm not ready now, am I? I'm still that 14 going on 15 year old girl , unsure, less happy and very, very bewildered, trying to impress and make her cousin happy, who just didn't seem to enjoy her personality or company very much. It has been a very crazy couple of months & weeks and I long for the normalcy of things to come back. So many thing I've missed out on during the days of getting to visiting people and following people around town. It has been taxing for some of us, more so for my parents but I don't know how to and don't want to tell them that I know. Anyway, back to Steph and her little adventure here in Singapore. Something tells me that she doesn't really like me, or there's just something awkward between us. Or maybe it's just me. I just have awkward plastered and labelled all over me. From my POV, no matter how nice i try to be to her (well, at least that the least my parents expect of me), she'll never find me funny, great, entertaining but just.. a kid. Just, a kid. And I'm upset because my parents are doing so much for her and I know they're ( or at least, my dad) expecting some kind of reciprocation but I know it's not going to be like that. & I don't know how I should react when their heart breaks when they find out that. p.s i didn't spellcheck so pardon any horrible grammer / vocab |
