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Someone tell my heart
Friday, July 20, 2012 | 9:50 AM | 0 comments Ok so here's the thing.I feel terribly inadequate. I want to get the fuck out of here. To Australia, US, UK. Hell, even HongKong or Korea will do. But I NEED to get away. I hate that my parents are perfect parents, they always do what is "right" and their idea of fun? Completely PG-13 even Universal. But you see, I wasn't made that way. I'm made a gemini. I should be out there dancing , on the dance floor , dancing with no one judging me like they do in a dance studio. You see, I need to socialise, I need to have groups of friends. Sitting around in coffee houses , talking about deep stuff and just "chilling" is absolutely lovely but not when everytime you go out it ends up like that. Simply put, I'm turning 20 in less than a year's time and I'm panicking. Sure, I've done a fair load of stuff and some of them were absolutely brilliant. But some of these other stuff? I'm telling you, honest to god, that these experiences are one-time off. I was in love, once. I had a whirlwind romance, but it didn't worked out because I realized I didn't love him, once. I went clubbing, once. I screwed up REALLY BAD, once. You're SUPPOSED to have these experiences more than once. It's probably only legal for you to do these shit , when you're young (Maybe?) But because my parents are such conservatives, and they worry about my safety, and I'm the yougest kid and all. I'm suffocating. They ask "What sort of life do you wanna live? " "You're wrong," I'd say. "I wanna live lives" I have so many things I want to do but I can't because there's always someone checking on me but say , 10.15pm and the people I'm with , will get worried and like "are you in trouble". I'd get really pissed off like "THIS IS MY FUCKING LIFE. MY PARENTS HAD THEIR CHANCE AT BEING YOUNG, MY BROTHER HAD HIS CHANCE AT BEING YOUNG" Me? I had nothing. Yeah, I went to fucking chalets and east coast park cycling but it's not what I want! What I want is for you to let me breathe, let me live my life, trust me to stay out with friends, trust me to go on holiday and not make it like .. a national affair. PLEASE IM SUFFOCATING UNDER THIS THING YOU ASSUME IS LOVE. & I hate it when my mother calls me fat LIKE THEN FOR WHAT YOU KEEP ASKING ME TO EAT and my dad buys unhealthy stuff back and alternates between "Eat!!!" & "Don't eat too much" (because it's unhealthy blah blah blah) THEN DON'T FUCKING BUY THE FOOD IF YOU'RE ONLY GONNA EAT ONE PIECE / MOUTH OF IT OR IF YOU WANNA FUCKING BE A HEALTH GURU!! And then there's the fact that the entire world seems to have a better internship than me, some at MTV (which could have been my spot , yeah right,) , Mediacorp, Citibank etc. & I'm just stuck here in this really uncool place. It's good for my resume and the people here are amazing but I just.. keep feeling there's so much more that I could be doing than wiki-pedia-ing random shit when there's nothing for me to do Oh, and I also hate the fact that I love to dance and socialise so much but I've yet to really start when my counterparts have already got tired of it. It's just not fair. I'm just wildly unhappy, someday.. it's some of these points somedays..like this one it's all of these points but somedays, I'm alright. Thanks for hearing me out.. If you did. |
