Live by the sun, Love by the moon

2012-01-27T23:26:00.001-08:00

The thing about me is... I feel the need to be seen. Not in the flashy way. Buy rather, just to be noticed and loved. That's all.

2012-01-26T03:42:00.001-08:00

What the hell did i do to deserve this wretched life

Miserable at best

2012-01-23T07:00:00.001-08:00

Such dark thoughts

2012-01-22T01:43:00.001-08:00

Dad and bro having their daily row now and we're driving out for dinner, i don't even know why but i'm just wondering really morbid thoughts but if we actually died, it might be a relief? But of course, that's what i say now. And i'm pretty sure no one outside the vehicle will miss or remember me anyway.

2012-01-20T06:39:00.001-08:00

Comparisons driving me crazy. When have i become this competitive and insecure?

You were the best friend I almost had

2012-01-18T04:40:00.000-08:00

THIS IS BASICALLY THE SONG OF MY LIFE, YOU GUYS.

Falling slowly apart

2012-01-18T03:55:00.001-08:00

Now, what does it take to build a home?

These Grand Thoughts

2012-01-17T07:20:00.001-08:00

2012-01-15T11:00:00.001-08:00

You don't run with the crowd You go your own way

2012-01-13T21:49:00.000-08:00

1. Really need to get new shoes.

2. Also, despite the previous post about how I actually look okay on camera, need to get more sleep so my skin doesn't look like this. I'll try but no promises.

3. Internship confirmed at Parliament House! MTV, why you reject me? :( But it's okay , it's alright! It's not the place, it's the person. So for all you people out there who didn't get the internship company you want , treasure what you have and think about how much worst it could be. & more importantly , make ( and learn ) the best out of it.

4. Vampire Dairies is back on! But Funshion doesn't support it anymore so I'm kinda having trouble watching it :((((((

5. Multi-Cam didn't go so well. The first take was wonderful but it was just rehearsal and then I kinda screwed up the first few linesof the actual and revived it towards the end. Feels like.. a shitty god who drank on the job but somehow manage to use his skills towards the end.

6. It's been a freaking crazy week & I'm looking forward to weekend plans with ma awesome people - Steamboat @ EL's and Housewarming party @ Mon's. Pictures will definitely be up, I promise.

7. Hostel Stay was great. Managed to take one photo with the girls but it did't turn out awesome and I don't know we were kinda awkward so shall not upload but it was really kinda cool. The view from my window was one of the best I could imaging from a tampines apartment. Block of orange glowy squares that were the lift lobby of the condo opposite and in the morning, the bright blue swimming pool and greenery. Wonderful place I'll miss <3

8. I just want to say.. I really like the film module. But till the 12 page essay and the exam start it's this case. But when that really happens I can't say cuss words are spared.

9. Note-to-self : Get internship stuff done by Sunday and sent it in by Monday.

10.

this way to a great sat.

So I could show you who I am

2012-01-13T08:24:00.000-08:00

I want to be kind of person someone will remember easily 10 years from now, if a positive way of course.
But I have no idea where to start

2012-01-13T07:20:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why people say things like " You look damn ugly today " or "Eh, you put on weight eh" . You want to say this kind of thing to people and you expect them to be civil and to hold back a "well, fuck you too"? Why can't people say something more subtle and helpful like " eh, join a gym?" or "Don't wear that shirt" then at least, the conversation goes on "Oh, yeah you wanna come?" Or .. like "Yeah , I think it's terrible too." BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SAY TO " i think you're ugly today. OH YEAH BITCH? BECAUSE I THINK YOUR FACE RESEMBLES MY VOMIT EVERYDAY. or do you want the person to go like yeah I think i grew fat so your goddamn ego will grow higher and bigger that you couldn't see any of your terrible flaws?

RANT.

I wanted you to stay

2012-01-13T02:42:00.001-08:00

Friday.
It's has been a crazy week, a time of bonding, a time of loneliness, a time of bonding, a time for shining, a time for making amendments. And to say the least, i went on camera today and at least i didn't look like i was ran over by a bulldozer. It's such an amazing feeling, as one reaches the end of something, perhaps even something simple like a week.

2012-01-11T08:33:00.000-08:00

Try listening to this while studying. Idk , seems pretty awesome to me :)

Don't forget me , I beg. I remember, you said. I heard you're settled down

2012-01-09T09:40:00.000-08:00

Oh, my tender love.

2012-01-07T23:45:00.000-08:00

Why should we, after all that screaming, shouting and vulgarities
go out and have dinner and act like a normal family.
Why don't we just sit here in the living room together to watch stupid variety shows that turn our brains to mash and starve ALL our fat asses off. We call each other fat all the time so why are we not doing anything about it.

Driving me to the edge.

2012-01-07T23:43:00.000-08:00

It's really quite ironic quite how it was your family that brought you into this world but most / some times they make you want to leave the same exact world as soon as possible. You know?
I want to jump, i want to ravage , i want to float but that'd make me look crazy. & we'd really don't want that, do we?
"That's so unlike Joanne" they'd say in the hallways
Ah, but you don't know what I've been planning all this while while looking in all your eyes.

What I did for the First time in 2011

2012-01-07T21:32:00.000-08:00

1. I found two awesome music sites - 8tracks.com & stereomood.com for the first time. I wouldn't say it changed my life but it was a good discovery.

2. Had a crush on a malay for the first time in my life

3. For the first time in my life, I did something that was related to my minature dream - childcare.

4. For the first time in my life, I got myself and iphone :)

5. In 2011, I've made a big & somewhat painful decision. & for the first time i know right down to the deepest area of me that it was the right one and i will and never should look back.

6. For the first time, we didn't exchange gifts for christmas at all. I suppose this is how it is going to be from now on.

Home is wherever I'm with you

2012-01-06T10:15:00.001-08:00

Fat Bottomed Girls you make the rockin world go round.

2012-01-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

06 01 12

Been talking to mon on the way to TNS , (more about that later)
& I forgot how bout we ended up talking about the way we presented ourselves to people.
So she was saying how we should sometimes really present ourselves to be strong in front of others, no matter how upset, scared you are.
& I was just thinking about this whole thing. This whole "how i view myself" vs "how others view me" kinda thing and call me sensitive but I think I give off the "Yeah, step all over me. I'm just the girl lurking in the shadows quality" Never star quality. Never Pretty Enough. IF ONLY THAT WAS TRUE. But it's not!

& It's something just a little bit upsetting , especially when you're in a course like this. You're expected to be smooth, sleek , pretty, energetic, on-the-ball, FASHION-FUCKING-ABLE 24/7. Like you would just feel like a criminal walking past the mediabiz door in t-shirt and shorts. Well, that is, unless you're damn hot. Which I'm not, DUH ! That I accept lah.

Yes, and speaking of lah,
I honestly don't know why I'm in this course because of my apparent , flawed english.
Sure, I scored an A2 but that ain't mean shit.
It's like you're being judged for everything you do, smell, look and breathe.

Maybe if I cared less, all of this wouldn't matter at all. But I can't.

That's fine.

2011-12-28T09:11:00.000-08:00

Useful tips for life.

2011-12-27T09:13:00.001-08:00

Welcome to Tijuana
Welcome to Tijuana
Tequila, sexo y marihuana

Up , Up in the air and I float round round round this town

2011-12-27T08:36:00.000-08:00

TEENAGE CREEPS

COLOURS - GROUPLOVE

2011-12-25T22:42:00.001-08:00

What is more painful?
Wanting to commit suicide or watching yr loved ones as they scream in agony while trying?

It's a new generation of party people

2011-12-25T03:38:00.000-08:00

Alright, so 2011 is going to end and I feel like I need to make a confession.
That, and I don't feel comfortable enough to confess to anyone in their message box on facebook.
Plus, i think that's really kinda lame. Why do you want to know business that has nothing to do with you?

Anyway, I'm terribly envious / jealous of my cousins.
You know what they say, " the grass is always greener on the other side ".
I always feel like they have it better.
Steph, she is swedish. She's pretty, she's hot, she has a tattoo , probably a dozen of boys who will fall at her feet and she works at H&M

My other cousin, she's 16. She's petite, she's pretty, I'd say. But she's in good shape, definitely.
Plus, she's going to Australia to study Jan 2012, plus apparently she's really sociable so i think she'd probably won't be the awkward Asian and life would be so cool for her and all.

& well, it just sucks when you're just here watching it happen for all these people. You know?

2011-12-24T09:13:00.001-08:00

Note to Self : Save enough money in the little cow bank to get yourself a perfume (e.g. Dior)

SO FUCK ME NOW.

2011-12-20T20:37:00.000-08:00

Suicidal tendencies and violent behavior in the family.
#confession. it was more of this than the unfamiliar territories and people in SK that made me do what I did in lower sec.

Shining when I'm alone

2011-12-20T06:28:00.001-08:00

Switchfoot - Dare You To Move (Alt. Version)

You can sing the melody to me

2011-12-19T05:28:00.000-08:00

"I was going to call you a hundred time. Just to check in."
"But?"
"That's not how you break up with somebody," she said. "I learned my lesson when I got divorced. You can't simultaneously end something and keep it alive. You can't stay in touch. You have to go cold turkey. It's harsher at first, but in the long run, it's kinder. You get over it quicker. "

等待緣份需要千百年

2011-12-16T08:47:00.001-08:00

I'm the person I wanna be when I'm with you, I .. don't know why it didn't work out

2011-12-14T09:05:00.003-08:00

This is so beautiful.

Have you ever tried to find the word but they never come out right?

2011-12-11T22:47:00.000-08:00

"Have You Ever" - Westlife

[Chorus:]
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand?
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything
To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start?

[Repeat chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything
To look into their eyes?
Have you fin'ly found the one

You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there

And all you can do is wait
For that day when they will care?

[Repeat chorus]

[Bridge:]
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby?
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand
How I need you next to me?
Gotta get you in my world
'Cause, baby, I can't sleep

[Repeat chorus twice]

Have you ever?

Evelyn

2011-12-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

Credits to Tumblr & Flickr

November.

2011-12-10T08:19:00.000-08:00

(my)November.

1. It's been very cold. Haven't got any cold clothes for December. :(

2. Waking up for school has been quite a task, especially for lecture when it's raining outside and your bed is BEGGING you not to go.

3. I've started talking to a few people, thing got a lil awkward with a few people as well.

4. I discovered "a thousand years - Christina Perri"

5. I actually had some fun doing my Film Journals.

6. I discovered "New Girl." :)))

7. Had a random moment where I thought about lyn and my sec two plan of living together in future as roomates / housemates.

8. I got introduced to one of the people I follow on tumblr. Not life-changing but worth a mention.

9. I caught myself doing really retarded stuff, many times.

10. I watched Immortals!

11. Went to Chinatown for field trip. Slipped on the bloody stairs but I have to be thankful i did not literally roll down. :00

12. Discovered a new hang-out spot at Club Street.

13. I found out a side of some people that I never knew. Took me by surprise completely.

14. Had a great weekend with all the important people in my life on one of the days <33333

15. Zee came back.

16. Temple Run happened & i ceased to exist.

17. We did some serious shit @ Multi-cam class. I see a possibility in that area despite my technical disabilities.

18. Watched Already Famous with the girls!

19. Chose SIP stuffs. God, how i hate decisions.

20. I fell in love with this season's US X FACTOR .

21. Found 5 dollars one the floor #highlight #firsttime

22. Got an iPhone4s

23. George Young came to tp. 'nuffsaid.

24. Curry Sauce came back and Singaporeans could breathe again.

25. Had the worst school week this month. SO MANY FUCKING ASSIGNMENTS DUE IN ONE WEEK.

26. Quite a lot of changed this month and I feel like things are slipping out of my control.

27. I was quite unhappy with one of my close friends , it took me 2 weeks to get over it and from time to time I still bear a grudge but now I'm over it.

28. Broke it off with LY for real. Not going to see him anymore. At least, until I'm ready and strong enough to turn him down.

29. I never got to found out if the two people were a couple or just really close friends.

30. SUFFERING FROM TVD WITHDRAWAL FUUUUUUUUUUUU

New Year's Resolutions

2011-12-10T04:07:00.000-08:00

1. I'm doing fairly.. horrible at school. No concrete grades to prove that just yet but very ominious feeling that i'm just a little lower than the average. THE AVERAGE. I don't know, that's just kinda pathetic, for / to me. So, this time, I'm hoping towards to the end of the sem , I could bring my grades but back to a 3.3 at least. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I'll work hard of course, but I hope luck will be on my side too.

2. Friends. Like in so many posts I have written before this, I love my friends, they're crazy they're understanding but just sometimes, I feel that it's a very small group and I barely extend out of this and I hate myself for it cos I've always thought myself to be social so maybe, I will hope & I will try that in 2012, just as I embark on my internship with whichever company I will make a few close friend that would actually hang out with me after work for something and I'll be very grateful. So yeah.

3. I don't know why but people think it's weird that I do stuff alone and the fact that sometimes i like it that way. And with constant reminders, I'm starkly aware that I'm alone. When my friends are not free to hang, my family will be there but I just.. you'know? And you're constantly texting me but I really, really don't want us to go back there. So maybe , in 2012 , I'm not saying I want a boyfriend. I'm just saying I want someone I could really connect to , someone I feel something for cos It's been a lil empty in my heart since like the minor crushes on random boys.

4. In 2012, I hope i feel better about myself.

5. Things stay alright and we're still tight (Friends)

6. This is going to be extremely difficult but I will work my hardest at something once I decided. I won't just try to pass the bench/passing mark. Cos that will just make me pathetic.

7. I want to hit the 50 mark at least once and hopefully maintain in the next year.

8. Try to spend more time with my family cos just as I'm growing, they're growing older too and they've past that age where they want to spend most their time with friends and there's not much time too so.. yeah.

9. 2012- Try to be nice to the poor kids people ACTUALLY BULLY. There's too many of such people here in my course so that's the least I could do, I guess.

10. Get enough rest. I can't emphasize this enough.I NEED REST.

I'm on my way to believing.

2011-12-09T02:05:00.000-08:00

Hello, this is my 1100th post.
It's been one hundred post since my simplistic and understated 1000th post.
It's the last day of mid-sem of my second year @ Temasek CMM course.
I'm happy.
I'm lonely, yeah, and that has got increasingly so because Monica has grown incredibly comfortable with talking to sat in front of me and well, it kinda got to me.
But I'm content, probably even "I'm content with loneliness"
& I'm 18. Technically, I have the world at my feet.
Apart from feeling awkward, I feel like i can control stuff.
Sure, I don't have it all like Mon or Naz but I'm happy.
I highly suspect this short-lived high comes from finishing my multi-cam skills test and not fucking up.
Maybe, just maybe I think i might want to do TV. And if I really get to do MTV , I'll be really , really happy.

2011-12-08T08:44:00.001-08:00

You were my last hope

I thought you'd be here by now

2011-12-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

At this point of time, I want to be anyone else but me.
Anyone, specifically in my course. I hate being awkward me. Stuck in a position where I knew everybody but I never get past a certain level with them.

Okay, things are not that bad but I would just love to emo a lil so yeah :D

You haven't seen the last of me. We can say that i won't stay around. I'm going to stand my ground.

2011-12-06T01:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, just sometimes, I think I might wanna be a writer ( after all )
But then I think of my grammer & my personality and I laugh myself and continuing to do the shit stuff I do.

& I hope it rains , you're the perfect lullaby. Sweet dreams, oh beautiful nightmare.

2011-12-06T00:32:00.000-08:00

I still think this whole MTV thing is an elaborate plan by Ms Khoo to get my hopes up & then to throw them against the wall and stomp on them once then collapse to the floor feebly just like i will be then, if they didn't call or reject me.

BUT TILL THEN, OH MY GODDDDD MTVVV MAYBEEEE HAHAHA GUYS TELL ME YOUR SIP PLANS OKAYYY

I don't want a lot for christmas

2011-12-02T07:39:00.000-08:00

ONLY ONE OF MY FAVOURITE DANCE PERFORMANCE THESE DAYS, THAT'S ALL.

It's getting tougher now.

2011-11-27T07:46:00.000-08:00

I don't have much friends but when I do, I love them a lot.
& among these friends. I've always have this one friend.
This one friend that I'm not closest but feels weirdly attached to. & I mean always.
Hereby, I would like to thank three persons, Michelle, Lyn and Hazeeq.

Like when my clique was kaihoon me and lyn & sometimes odelia. Kaihoon is that one that I have a lot of fun with because lyn was generally quieter plus the fact that Kaihoon was my partner & we had too many inside jokes. But there were days were I spent time individual where I did thing or shared thoughts that other people might think of weird but it isn't so for her. It's like she gets it. You know? Plus, she says the sweetest thing and she means it so I'm just utterly flattered and so , so honoured to have her as a friend. I think it must have been a year since I've spoken to her , it's such a pity. She's such a lovely girl, really outta arrange a meet - up sometime soon. Perharps a trip! I believe me and kaihoon definitely planned a trip on one of our animated talks during chemistry / math lesson.

&then there's michelle!
This, my friends, in a very special girl.
She reminds me of Zooey Deschanel somewhat.
Sure, being with the clique is great and I have loads of fun.
But let's just say I have this side of me that is somewhat eccentric, awkward perharps.
& somehow I identify that part of myself with her.
Also, I think we're similar in that we don't really identify ourselves with our poly mates. Yeah, we have friends there but we just don't feel connected. Like, yeah , I love monica and khairul and all but we don't really have to act all "God, we good" all times. It's despicable, they're acting like we're really all that atas because we're media students. So yes, I just think there's something respectable about this amazing girl <3

& then Hazeeq.
I'm most indefinitely not close to him.
Plus, Mon's probably going to get jealous if we ever like, go home together.
And that is one annoying part because if my friend, whom you known for like, 2 weeks, start posting on your
wall, I don't see why I can't go home with hazeeq whom I know now for like, 1 year now? You know?
Anyway, that's not that issue.
I just feels liek there's a lot of thing I can talk to him about.
Unlike monica , he's not all like , i think...
& I don't feel like i need to be prettier / uglier / better / smarter / dumber around him. I'd just be myself so that's kinda cool.

So, I just like to say I'm very thankful for you people.
Terribly tired after a great weekend so not going to proof check this post. Sorry for any grammatical mistake.

Door are closing in on you

2011-11-26T05:03:00.001-08:00

I know your deepest, darkest secret
And I don't even try, I didn't even wanted to know. But now I know, now I do.

2011-11-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

For 15 hours today, a lot of happened.
Not negatively of course.
In fact, it is only today where i have plans for the weekends and pased up quite a lot of work.
The sense of relief is unbelievable.

GREAT WEEKEND AHEAD WOOHOO
so lazy to blog now -.-

Then all at once you have to say goodbye

2011-11-22T07:38:00.001-08:00

One song i recently found and fell in love with

Welcome to the real world where being yourself isn't enough.

2011-11-21T04:59:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for being such a depressing blogger.
I'm sorry for not being pretty.
I'm sorry for not being technically smart
I'm sorry for trying.
I'm sorry for being awkward.
I'm sorry for being conservative.
I'm sorry for drinking a little too much.
I'm sorry for not being a good friend.
I'm sorry for being not a great conversationalist.
I'm sorry for being lazy.
I'm sorry for being fat.

I'm sorry, for having feelings.

You wanna keep that boy then make it jump like this

2011-11-19T06:17:00.000-08:00

2011-11-16T10:21:00.000-08:00

It's damn annoying how fast you change. Like Emma would say, you're obnoxious right now. & you know what's not helping? Them. Them thinking whatever you said is so funny and whatever you did is so cool. We're really not that cool guys can we stop being that pathetic for a while. I know i'm awkward and all that I'm probably very "uncool" for saying but you know what's really uncool , people who GOSSIP about their own damn friends.and people who think they're cool when they're not. Like Steven.L.

I mean , I'm sure you'd like to think it as having an attitude and all but you've always been a bit obnoxious so that's alright because you were genuinely funny, so much less bitchier , and kind too. Of course , you're nice now too but just as I finished that thought you'd go ahead and ruin that but saying something terrible about someone. I know I'm ugly or useless or stupid or bimbo but FUCKING HELL okay jesus fucking christ sometimes jokes shouldn't be carried too far. you don't say this kinda thing to your mate on a daily basis. I don't even like you anymore.

It's like "yeah bitch, i'm in control" but you know what, We're friends. We're not your mean girls followers, alright? Yeah, go ahead, make a short remark or joke that lasts FOREVER or like judge the grammar of this post or reply AHHAHAH Im so funny all the fucking time. NO. Get it woman, things are funny only once or twice and then you need to get over it and MOVE the hell on.

k.bye.

In the early morning rain With a dollar in my hand With an achin' in my heart And my pockets full of sand

2011-11-16T09:41:00.001-08:00

&then that time where we weren't together yet but i was sleeping and you gently scooped me up and placed yr bag behind me so I'll be comfortable.

& when we fought and I refused to lie on your shoulder on the bus and just stubbornly lean against the window but then you'll roughly shove my head against you , pull me close and mumble "I'm sorry" into my hair.

Ohgod, I'm on a roll. I'm sorry. Must have been the rom coms I've been watching recently. Ohmygod, we watched Moulin Rogue today. I could almost die crying , everyone should watch it.

2011-11-16T09:34:00.000-08:00

Remember the night where you first asked & I said, "yeah , we'll give it a shot."
& once we got off the phone, you texted "Baby, can i call you that? I don't know how to say this but you just made me the happiest man on earth in that moment"

The next day i got to work and you were just there smiling like you'd never stop & how we sneaked private moments in the storeroom all day long, I'll never forget. I've never felt like I've made anyone as happy as that. I never had before, I never had since. No matter what we've been through , I'll always remember that smile. I just want to make someone that happy again. Not romantically, that's alright. I just want to make someone THAT happy again.

You handed me down, and thats a fact

2011-11-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

Been feeling the heat recently & it's not good.
Everyone, & i mean really, EVERYONE, is working very hard for this semester and it's freaking me out so badly.
Honestly, it's because I know that this these people, despite their previous bad record , are the kind who can achieve something if they tried. & I.. I am the direct opposite. I can try fast and early and work my ass off but my work's just no good.
So right now I have a radio critique due, A multi-camera proposal, a milestone check for Radio Production, a term paper proposal, a field trip to attend, and a advert to be done.
God, am I stressed. & I really , really want a holiday.

Either of this ...

would be good :)

April in Paris

2011-11-13T05:21:00.001-08:00

When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up

2011-11-12T09:20:00.001-08:00

Things i wanan do tomorrow : Shopping at Marina Square, Tampines Mall
Ice Cream at Bugis
Photos of Skaters

What I need to do tomorrow : Get iphone.

2011-11-10T08:57:00.000-08:00

I feel like such a lousy person.
Like, i really admire people who could write well, who had the ability to choose just the right words to make crude / boring seem amazing beautiful.
Like for example iris would say "The beauty of beer is such: it heightens one's emotions in a degree enough for honest conversation, and I like it so much."

& I would say " The beer was damn shiok, damn high , damn nice. "

You know what i mean now?
Yeah :/

My favourite relaxing song for now.

2011-11-09T05:27:00.001-08:00

get on the floor baby lose control baby work your body and just let go

2011-11-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

So.. remember that night where me , michelle and Jia en went out?
Yeah, seem like such a long time already :(
Anyway, we talked quite alot about the term "Romantic"
and well, I'm feeling a lil romantic right here, right now.
I'm actually supposed to be writing my critique about some lame ass radio program (that i had to wake up @ 6 to record!!) but i'm on a half-hour break so yay!
So.. I'm gonna compile a "Dear Future Boyfriend List"

Dear Future Boyfriend

I promise to ... I hope you...

1. I promise to make you happy as much as possible 1. Hug me all the time. Cos i love hugs.

but when you've reach the limit i promise to Especially from people i love.

let you know as well. I'll try very hard not to play

mind games with you.

2. I promise never (Big word, eh?) 2. Do cute / sweet things for me even

to treat you rudely. In fact, I'll only treat you exactly though i know the first word's not so

the way I would loved to be treated. much keyed in your biological /

psychiatric system

3. I promise i'll love you just the way you are (no, I'm not 3. are not the self-obsessed narcissistic

Bruno Mars) but I don't think they are flaws, if I'm sort who doesn't care about anyone

perfectly in love with them as well. <3 except for the girl he loves. To me,

that's not devoted. That's being a jerk.

okay, that's all i have time for right now :))

So the storm finally found me and left me in the dark

2011-11-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

I want to bring you to so many places.
Every time i see something amazing, beautiful, I make a mental note to bring you here/ there.
And then the smile fades because I know i wouldn't be able to do that, I cannot do that.
Because I've decided to leave you, to leave us behind.
but tonight, just tonight, I wanna bring you to the field near the airport where we'll bring bottles and do reckless stuff. We'll lie hidden in the grass, taller than us. (At least, taller than me.) & we'll watch the stars and the plans and listen to each other's plan to where we would if we could.
Just tonight.

When you were standing in the wake of devastation

2011-11-07T07:24:00.000-08:00

I take these pills to make me thin
I dye my hair, and cut my skin
I tried everything, to make them see me
But all they see, is someone that's not me

Even when I'm walking on a wire
Even when I set myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to look my best
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

Here inside, my quiet hell
You cannot hear, my cries for help
I tried everything, to make them see me
But every one, sees what I can't be

Even when I'm walking on barb wire
Even when I sat myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to lock my past
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

Sometimes when I'm alone
I pretend that I'm a queen
It's almost believable

Even when I'm walking on barb wire
Even when I sat myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to lock my past
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

2011-11-06T07:26:00.001-08:00

I think i wanna be a DJ

2011-11-06T03:34:00.000-08:00

So uhm
Thought I could use a lil update cos apparently my sound card on my computer is not working.
That .. just means i can't listen to music nor watch videos so..

TNS.
The CDS that i told you guys about? (Or did I not?)
Anyway, it's the one that I was supposed to go into with Alvina but she's gone to some other. :)
So i have some new roomates , Sarah, Joselyn, Huiwen, Monica & me.
5 girls to a apartment. Sounds really exciting and fun! Teehee

& yeah I'm still upset about my laptop nt having sound.
So not gonna get Fujitsu next time & I will get it from school. Probably a Mac.

2011-11-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

You Are Friendly

You are a trustworthy and loyal person. You are a keeper of secrets and confidences.
You believe in yourself and the people around you. You know that others can always surprise you.

People matter, and you put them first. You have a generous heart.
You are a ton of fun, and you love to bond with others. You make instant friends with people.

The Roadside Cafe Oracle

Sometimes?

2011-11-05T09:22:00.001-07:00

You Are Sometimes Social

You are happy to be with your friends, but you don't feel lost when you're by yourself.
You are good at getting people to laugh. You have a wicked sense of humor.

You can handle criticism and don't take harsh words personally. You can get along with people who have wide variety of viewpoints.
You often see things that other people never notice. Sometimes it's nice to sit back and observe.

How Social Are You?

I like that

2011-11-05T09:21:00.001-07:00

Your Love Style is Independent

Fiercely independent, you are unapologetically unconventional in relationships. You need your space.
You are attracted to the quirky people of all kinds. You love to celebrate differences.

You aren't too hung up on what love should be like. You know that each love is different and evolving.
You are open to falling for almost anyone, and you don't have a set type. You can find many things sexy.

What's Your Romance Style?

We found love in a hopeless place

2011-11-05T08:43:00.001-07:00

idk i love this video.

2011-11-05T01:35:00.001-07:00

HAHAHAHA

2011-11-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

I really want to do well this semester.
I really need to do well this semester.

Sat can to visit!

2011-11-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Rafi ; Dancer Boy

2011-11-02T09:26:00.001-07:00

I'm trying. Just give me some time. I'll be a better person, I'll be a better me. For you , For them, For myself.

secrets i would never tell , to judgmental people

2011-11-01T04:23:00.000-07:00

This is supposed to help me thru the "cold turkey" period.
I know this is for the best & in time to come i will realize there's a reason why i did it.
Every sentence reflects my life with him it seem like i wrote it in my dreams.

Kiddo say he looks up to me, this just makes me feel old Never thought that we could become someone else’s hero

2011-10-30T05:03:00.000-07:00

Really, really shitz excited about this radio production thing.
Shit load of assignment & basically we're free labour but there's so much to learn &
I PRAY i don't screw it up like broadcast. OHGODIHOPENOT

2011-10-29T10:42:00.001-07:00

"You came down here, you knew this would happen"
"Oh, so now I'm a tramp?"

2011-10-28T23:52:00.001-07:00

"Sometimes when you talk to me, you don't even see me"

She's got broken things where her heart should be

2011-10-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

So.. sup guys.
Time for a real update. No emo. No drama.
So today was my official 2nd day back @ school.
Quite a lot went on today.

Had Radio Production which was way, way , way more cooler than Audio Pro but not exactly any less complicated.
& then we had TNS briefing. TNS is basically a cds where we have to study theories about working with people of other nationality. Quite cool. My fav part : We get to stay at this awesome apartment like area with new friends for two weeks.

So yay, my exciting 2nd day @ school :)

ABOUT A GIRL

2011-10-25T11:56:00.001-07:00

She'll never know

2011-10-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Lots of time has passed since then & I've calmed down enough to take the drama out of it and watched it play over again in my head. The htht with the clique, i meant.
This time, it seem much clearer , like the things weren't happening so fast.
Kandy, among the clique, you were one of my favourite friend. I felt like we had so much in common, like we could pick off exactly where we ended, anytime. You did things I did almost all of the 4 years. Sing, Study (Hard), love for S.H.E , one other thing & more importantly, I felt like i could tell you things. In fact, it was you, jia en and lyn who I always felt i could turn to. You were part of my non-frivolous life, the other side of me that doesn't party, the one that cares about grades, the one who doesn't drink almost every weekend, the one who don't ridicule people & definitely not the stupid bitch who have extremely superficial thoughts.
You were part of that, helping me to get through it with a balance. In fact, everyone of the clique is but I've always regarded you as one of my bestest friend.

But WHAM, you had to tell us that you couldn't really talk / "click" with us. Now, that.. that sucked. No. Sucked would be understatement. Personally, it was more like a slap on a face, and then a knee-punch to my gut. Makes me sick. Of myself, of course. That i didn't do better, in that sense. That i was a horrible friend.

HURHUR. so much for taking out the drama. But i hope / know it's still all good. Cos I get to still see you in school and all that. & uhm, I just wanna say, AT LEAST, you told us this. I mean.. that's really brave (i think).

& yeah. That's all. :)

Oh, Breathe. Just Breathe

2011-10-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

I hate how you judge me.
How you judge my friends ,
How you crash my privacy , like as if it was your underground party.
How you judge that i have nobody, & make conclusive statements about it
Oh, how you judge what I smelled like.
My size, my choices, the way i looked.
You took it upon yourself to be everything that i didn't need.
The judgemental looks and comments , & only expecting a simple "sorry" to make a difference.
Words are written in pen, in my world. They'll always be there.
This is why i hate talking to you.
It depresses me , even though it might be true, what you say.
but it never changes what i feel ; it depresses the fuck out of me.

2011-10-24T03:10:00.003-07:00

我可能不會愛你

2011-10-21T10:35:00.001-07:00

Note to self: Don't wear anything that is not sleeveless. Don't even bother even if it's damn warm. Just.. save yourself the embarrassment. I have issues. Arm issues.

2011-10-20T03:49:00.000-07:00

"Oh come on , everyone can dance. You just feel the music."
"Oh, I've been told I have trouble feeling"

You know what? Someday you'll see. I'll achieve something bigger than anything you've seen from me.

2011-10-18T08:05:00.001-07:00

But that's what makes you beautiful

2011-10-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

One Direction - What makes you beautiful

You're insecure
Don't know what for
You're turning heads when you walk through the door
Don't need make up
To cover up
Being the way that you are is enough

Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but you

[Chorus]
Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But you when smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see
You'll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful
Oh oh
But that's what makes you beautiful

So c-come on
You got it wrong
To prove I'm right I put it in a song
I don't why
You're being shy
And turn away when I look into your eyes

Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but you

[Chorus]
Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
One Direction What Makes You Beautiful lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/one-direction-what-makes-you-beautiful-lyrics.html

But you when smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see
You'll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful
Oh oh
But that's what makes you beautiful

[Bridge]
Nana Nana Nana Nana
Nana Nana Nana Nana
Nana Nana Nana Nana

Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But you when smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful

[Chorus]
Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But you when smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see
You'll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful
Oh oh
You don't know you're beautiful
Oh oh
But that's what makes you beautiful

2011-10-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

So I saw this post online on Facebook.
Gonna try to see it I agree or Disagree for any.
Red : Disagree
Green : Agree
Neutral / Comment

1. Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking the way he is.

5. “Are you doing something?” or “Have you eaten already?” are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
7. When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl’s attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.
12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can’t. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don’t provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy’s heart, there’s no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what? Uh…never mind!” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged “umm” or makes any excuses when you’re asking him to do you a favor, he’s actually saying that he doesn’t like you and he can’t lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow.” NO NO FUCKING NO.

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly. Guys are like bimbos , you know, cute but really dumb sometimes. Oh right , they have a term. Himbos.

24. Guys hate nice boy! That's not true!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn’t mean that the guy likes her.

28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. Its good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don’t let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot. That's not what I heard.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they’re not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them. NO. Guys keep secrets because they usually don't need th feel to tell. Nor do they feel like people wanan listen (just because they won't want the same)

45. Guys think too much. You spelled girls wrongly

46. Guys’ fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It’s not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they’ve been together for 3 years or more.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy. So farking important

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be matured and grow up.
53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he’s sweating. You’ll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me”
No , not really, not really at all.

59. Guys don’t really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do. Really??

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy’s friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don’t be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection. This.

73. Don’t be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you’ll be surprised.
74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don’t comprehend the statement “Get lost” too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.
79. Guys don’t care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls. what??

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they’ll realize they’re wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He’s just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys’ weakest point is at the knee. No , the cock , bodoh

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he’s amazed of you or he’s criticizing you. NO. -.-

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you’re with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why. Why?

93. When a guy says he can’t sleep if he doesn’t hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys’ things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

I'm not a pro but that's my opinion. What do you think?

2011-10-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

So there a few things I need to get off my chest. Gotta list it down and settle it later. After I'm done with Ip Man.
1. The Kandy Incident
2. The Bro Incident.
3. The cousin incident.

I don't think you're ready for this jelly

2011-10-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

I like the gucci gucci I like your pocket pocket

2011-10-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

"What a mess. What a bloody, fucking mess."

You are a shooting star, that's why you are my favourite

2011-10-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

"You don't have to carry on with someone if you don't want to. You don't have to keep seeing him just because.. well, just to reward him for being nice to you and saying he loves you!"

Girl, you're all that

2011-10-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

"Oh joy , fucking, fucking joy"

drop it down low

2011-10-09T09:25:00.001-07:00

"Men, they're easy to please, aren't they, really."

In the next 2 mins, if I don't get a sip.

2011-10-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

"She's small and slim with shoulder length blonde hair. Men always eye her up when we go out together with the children. She flirts with them without knowing she's doing it. I watch her, wondering how she does it, how she doesn't know she's doing it, and why I can't do it."

If i hold you in my arms, I won't dance

2011-10-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

This book has been the amazing book that I couldn't put down.
It is so melodramatic, if you think you're life is fucked up, you've obviously never met Beth Marston (The lead)
I'm going to go ahead and post a series of quote that I identify with, & I hope you guys enjoy it :)

2011-10-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

"I'd love to be in a relationship. But I feel that you'll want more from it that I do, and I don't think I'm ready just yet."

Maybe we forgot all the thing we are when we are together

2011-10-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

What are my dreams?
They say one could not , must not live without a dream in mind?
Then, how did I survive drifting along like this for the 18 lucky years I had lived?

Today I woke up and I found more

2011-10-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

So a simple update on my life.
I got my grades back, it was pretty terrible , but at least it was expected.
I'm just really thankful that I didn't have to redo any modules or take supp papers.
& then my job at Modern Montessori , It's great, met this pretty cool colleague called Esther.
Quite an interesting personality, handling so many things at once, she's got my respect!
& also, I went to TPDE commbased perf yesterday, & it was really pretty awesome.
Some of my juniors could remember me. They brought they family along to watch and all that.
Very, very heartwarming :)

One day I woke up and there was (no) more to love

2011-10-08T09:05:00.000-07:00

Why do you dance?
I dance, because I believe(d)
But I have ceased to believe & therefore,
I ceased to dance.

#thingsthatworryme

2011-10-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

If I treasure / need / cherish sleep so much now, what's gonna happen to me when I get really, really old? :0

Some people say the so called "dreams" don't exist

2011-10-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

習慣性的喜歡

It does not take offense , it is not resentful

2011-10-06T06:11:00.000-07:00

One day, I will bring him to the places you brought me.
One day, I will give him everything I have.
Everything you crave so badly.
One day, when i find this guy. Who brings me sparks, magic and all that cheesy.
& when all that is done and my mission has come , to break his heart.
And then.. and then. We'll see.

2011-10-03T08:23:00.001-07:00

WHERE MY ALCOHOLICS PUT YOUR HANDS UP

Pulau Ubin

2011-10-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

My favourite thing about LY is that he loves bus rides to places as much & i do.
and then the worst is he could make me feel so damn happy and then I lose that spark in a second ,
so much that I don't know what I REALLY feel about him.
He makes me feel secure yet scared.
He makes me confused.
& the thing is, I fall in love so damn easily.

My day in pictures

2011-09-24T21:44:00.001-07:00